How to really insult a Frenchman (if you dare)
If you come to France for a holiday or to live and someone starts to give you problems, then yes, the best advice is to walk away. But sometimes you need to know what they’re saying to you too. One of the hardest things I had to deal with was knowing when I was being made fun of in French. It’s important because it’s easy to get upset for the wrong reasons. Here are few common insults that will help you.
Insult 1: “Tu n’es rien qu’un petit branleur qui n’est bon à rien”
This literally means “You’re just a little waster who is good at nothing”. This is appropriate for angry bosses with their employees or fathers who are upset at their lazy teenage children.
Insult 2: “Je vais te casser la gueule si fort que tu vas cracher toutes les dents”
This literally means “I’m going to hit you in the mouth so hard that you’ll spit out all your teeth”. So watch out if this is being said to you.
Insult 3: “Tu sais que j’aime bien chez toi ? Ben… rien du tout.”
This literally means “You know what I like about you? Well…nothing at all”. Perfect to blow off a Frenchman who’s getting a little too “amoureux”…
Insult 4: “Plus chiant que toi, tu pourras pas en trouver”
This literally means “It’s not possible to find someone more annoying than you”. So be careful if this is said to you. “Chiant” is a word often used to describe an unruly child.
Insult 5: “Ecoutes, petit, si tu ne te tais pas, je vais t’arracher la langue, d’accord ?”
This literally means “Listen, kid, if you don’t be quiet I’m going to rip your tongue out.” So if your children are making a bit too much noise in a French restaurant, then watch out for an angry customer saying this.
Insult 6: “T’es con comme une valise sans poignet”
This literally means “You’re as stupid as a suitcase without a handle”. This is quite common insult in French that is usually reserved for talking about someone’s stupidity behind their backs.
Insult 7: “Quel guignol, on dirait un clown bourré”
This literally means “What a muppet. He looks like a drunk clown”. I’ve never heard these two things being said together, but I think it works quite well. “Quel guignol” by itself is very popular though.
Insult 8: “S’il y avait une taxe sur ton cerveau, tu n’aurais plus un rond.”<:h2>
This literally means “If there was a tax on your brain, then you wouldn’t have any money left”. A personal favourite, and one to use with a withering look!